date: Friday, December 10, 2004 @ 2:15 pm
title: Day 20: I will Testify my Love for the God above... A very Inspiring Song.
"Every breathe I take, I will give thanks to the God above, by testifying his love..." I'm in love with this pharse. Every circumstance is a season for growth and expansion, even at the death-facing period.
I wouldn't say that i'm from a well-being family or otherwise. Just a slightly above average family with both parents and 3 silblings (including myself) living under the same roof, I should be very much contented.
Some of my friends, their parents were either overseas working their heads off or legelly separated. They seemed to be very cheerful and positive in their circumstances, but when I received a call from parents barking me to be home on time... they tried to hide their enviness and hatred as well. They hate people with 'perfect' parents, 'perfect' life, compared to theirs.
I don't know how to console them, with empathy or sympathy... both just can't always do the trick.
A hat trick is always seem easy, but when u are on the pitch... you are always being tricked.I'm lost when the situation is on my shoulders to bear, i just stood at my comfort spot and wait until someone comes to assist me... usually is my elder brother or sister.
I'm always on the frontline of the dispute, which i just like peacekeeping forces that only make sure no physical is being provoked...
den comes the signal aka communication troops - my sister, whom my mum will call and brag every unhappiness to her thru the phone, until her ear drums made her so immune to mum..
lastly, the foot soldiers that come into action to sum up the dispute, with supportive comments and just stood by mum and give her the listening ears.
After the war... everythinng will be settled within three days with total slients in the house. Dad will be so engrossed to the TV, mum sleeping early.Sister and brother will be out with friends to jala jala... me ? recovering from the hurts with prayer and fasting, until my spirit is renewed again by God's touch.. Its a not easy to put down and stand up to face everyone again with my broken spirit... It's just too much to bear by oneself.
I don't blame my parents that they put all their energy on business and hope that i will grow up independently... When i fall, i know how to rise up again. However, each time i fall, i can't rise immediately but crawl slowly to find a pillar to support me up.. den here comes the support of friends.
They are like the solo purpose of your exsitance, everything you do evolve around them..However, its not enough... i hunger for more, 'cos of what i been thru. i demanded for more. i was insufficient.
That when a direction was opened to me. Or a difficult decision to make - for Love or money ( na... not some real life drama) for man's love or God's love..
In the end, i gave up the friends and relationships that might hav bloomed and beared unproductive fruits... I gave up ORPC and Pri sch friends. I left them and was uncertian about my decision. I den threw all my energy into Scouts.. every blood, every tear into maintaining a broken troop, that have been disintegrated into slacks and the powerful..
A waste of energy and time... that my youth was lost along with mystudies.. Nothing was successful. nothing was bearing any fruit. I I was at the end of the cliff, at the tip of devil's mouth.
A simple jump... and everything will be in motion without my presence. I would be just a memory of a nice and sweet boy who made the wrong decision that ended his journey of life.
Will I go to heaven? NO!! absolutely no. I will be ensalved by the prince of death that I will be bounded under his commands for his expanse... his expanable asset. I will be under his yoke eternally.
At that point, it was my turning point. My (dy/dx)... My minimum point that all would be lost if i choose not to turn back. I did... eventually.
A powerful being was introduced into my life at that point... The Holy Spirit. The Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit became so real, that mountains shake and rivers cease flowing under their belt. Chosen people can run on water, rather than walk on water. Power ministries are conceived with souls redeemed.
And I was one of them. Amen..
I was born again, but still lost. I was without any parents, not legelimate parents, but spiritual ones. There came one - SAC.. but i was rejected. I was as good as an orphan. Until, I was given to a young church to incubate me... for my growth. The spanking and cajoling made me whom i'm today. A true believer of Christ, than a superficial convert.
Until today, I was grateful for the purpose I was made for and the circumstances I needed to experience to accomplish that purpose - to serve others wholehearted with reverence for God.
Its been a bright Friday mid-day... gotten get some entertainment to brighten up the drizzling with me.
